Does Placing Your Adopted Child in Residential Care Make You A Loser Parent?

An Adoptive Parent's Worst Nightmare

One of the most heart-wrenching decisions an adoptive parent can make is to place their adopted youth in residential care.

Dear friends,

I can’t imagine a worse nightmare as an adoptive or birth parent than having to make the decision to place your adopted youth in residential care.

Perhaps she is deeply depressed, shut down and unresponsive, cutting herself, or attempting suicide.

It would be so easy to deem yourself as a failure parent.

Instead, why not tell yourself and your child that you are sending her away for a year to save her life?

It still will be extremely painful to say goodbye, knowing that your child fears abandonment.

However, she will live through it and hopefully grow from it.

How can I say that with confidence?

I’ve been there.

When my family checked me into a stress center for clinical depression, tears ran down my daughter’s and husband’s cheeks. I felt so guilty for causing them such pain.

After the intake interview and a short visit in my room, they left.

Two huge doors shut behind them.

Heart pounding, I ran to follow.

A nurse told me I was in a lock-down unit.

In the weeks ahead, my depression was brought under control through drugs and therapy.

Eventually, I regained my emotional health and grew stronger.

You may witness some of what my family did…but know that the pain is temporary and your child can grow stronger because of the decision you’ve made.

Placing your child in residential doesn’t mean you are a failure!

It means you are doing the most loving thing possible for your child.

Some day, she will thank you…just as I thank my husband and daughter for keeping me safe in the hospital.

Write to me if I can be of any help to you!




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7 comments to Does Placing Your Adopted Teen in Residential Care Make You A Loser Parent?

  • Paula

    Thank you, Sherrie! My husband and I made that decision for one of our daughters several years ago. I choose to look at it as another tool in our parenting tool box. Her needs exceeded our abilities to successfully help her. I’m thankful we made that positive parenting decision.

  • Mary Jo Jordan

    I had a 2 yr stay in hosp/nursing home from a kidney bleed. I was th only one working at the time. My son lived with me along with his 3 yr old & my hubby. The 3 yr old’s mother has never been in her life much so she already felt abandoned. The whole house fell apart. My son took her to her mother & told her she needed to step up & take care of her because he had to go to work. He went with a friend who was doing carney work. When I was finally able to know what was going on I asked where she was a no one knew. I got on the computer & found out where she was. My hubby who is her FAVE person in the world ended up with fam. in KY. When i found her I found out that her mother had again dumped her. She was with mother’s boyfriend’s mom’s best friend. I heard a lot about abuse that was going on. I was supposed to stay in nurs. home for another month & I told them NO. As soon as I had a place set up for us I went to rescue her. I got her into counseling immediately. I got her back when she was 5. She ended up in a facility for a week because of her behavior. It was AWFUL having to leave her there but her dad & I knew we had to. She is 10 now & just getting her behavior a little more under control.

  • Dee

    Thank-you for sharing! My daughter has needed in-patient psych twice. I’m a nurse, so I felt like both a failure as her Mom and a failure as a nurse. But, both experiences have made her stronger. It’s about keeping our daughter safe until she can regain the stability she needs to cope. Parenting is the toughest job in the world and it’s only through prayer we survive!

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